Rock me Joseph Alberto Santiago

Gig @ Stratford royal theatre (bar)

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:05:00 +0000

DOMA = Died On My Ass. I BOMBED, there was this guy shouting out "shiiiiite SHIIIITE!" all the way through. I really started to lose it, my throat got so dry and I was missing whole syllables. You win some you lose some, this small group of trendy looking youngsters said they thought I was great - good for them!

Matthew Crosby Was on before me - he was great, I saw him before at the 99p club & he was awesome there too. I'm so glad he left before I went on.

It's weird the idea of asking for another gig at this place, it's like crapping in someone's car then asking to borrow it again.

GIG @ Pear Shaped

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 23:21:00 +0000

Yehhh - Pear Shaped is COOL - really like it there, although usually there are more comedians than punters - on a good night it's about 50/50. They have 3 different compares - BRIAN DAMAGE & KRYSSTAL do great silly songs & very fine stand-up - there's this bloke JIMBO who's just this mad old guy and he looks JUST like a friend of mine HOOTON but olded up - he has all these AWFUL jokes but he's just hilarious anyway & keeps on forgetting everything. He was comparing one night & this Chinese girl did a set - he came on after & said "Ohh - sorry about those Chinese jokes earlier........ hang on... I didn't do them". Anthony Miller is the other chap who looks like a paedo & does really good political stuff & he's clearly very experienced but in a very silly way .

All the other acts were good tonight - all had a years+ experience which was very encouraging cause they all had excellent on stage personas & so it just shows that comes with experience. The material was pretty so-so for most of them, it was all about the delivery - very encouraging.

I felt good up there tonight, I did a whole new set as my old stuff was getting too character driven & it was annoying me.

1st Gig (location undisclosed)

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Sat, 03 Sep 2005 11:03:00 +0000

I have a *great* first gig story!!

I arrived at this place ay 7pm knowing I had to flyer the club. What I didn't realise is it was flyering with a golf sale style sign. I jokingly said to the promoter:
"Please don't make me hold the sign - I don't want to prove my parents right that I would be holding one of these for a living"
"If you don't like it you can fuck off home" he replied - not a good start to my comedy career.

Those signs weigh a TON - I couldn't get the thing up the stairs without smashing up the place a bit & I dropped the flyers everywhere. It was a lot like carrying a cross 'One crucifix each - line on your right'. I started to get into this weird downtrodden comedian character - just trying to make a living. You're supposed to stay still with these signs but I thought it was much funnier to drag it around & go up to people and be really overbearing -

"Would you like to come and see the funny people sir? They do treat me well"
"Please come along, they won't let me drink any water until I've given out these flyers."
...and my personal favorite -
"You can bring your rucksack if you like sir..." As the gentleman passed me I realised that far from being a rucksack he was carrying a baby on his back! How I laughed.

Most people were very amused by my antics - however the following people were NOT:

1. Posher than posh opera & theatre goers - they look like something out of a dickens novel and they are so rich they can barely even speak. They just hurry past me wincing as if I'm a homeless person trying to wank on them.

2. Young Equinox goers or general teen-plant-life. I had a couple of girls just staring and staring at me with this big fucking scowl on their centimeter deep makeup faces. "What's her problem? I fink she finks she's funny or something" Oh go back to Watford you silly bitches.

3. The classic of people coming up going "Gaaahn - tell us a joke then, tell us a joke!" Oh go and FUCK each other - do you go up to a vicar demanding they "Do a eulogy, do a eulogy!" Wankers. Although admittedly I wish I did have a cracking little joke to tell people when they asked me that, but I don't - I just have this one liner about new Orleans and another about the AIDS monkey.

Anyway - after about 2 hours we were allowed to stop, The promoter looks annoyed "We almost always sell out on a Friday and we haven't tonight..." I immediately feel guilty "I think I heard someone say Cats is free tonight". To add to the humiliation - none of the comics are actually allowed in the venue - we all have to hovel together in a corridor by the kitchen. It's amazing how making a complete twat of yourself in London's biggest tourist area can prepare you for something like this, I wasn't nervous at all - the problem is I can't get out of this downtrodden character - I'm going through my lines but they are coming out wierd.

The first guy goes on, he comes back 8 minutes later - as white as a sheet - looks like he's going to cry "Steve's here" - all the other comedians gasp & hold their heads "Who the FUCk is Steve!??" I rightly ask. Turns out Steve is this mentally ill guy that often comes along to this night - he doesn't shut up the whole time with a mixture of mental guy noises and genuine heckles - I'm mortified, and on after the interval.

Well the gig went OK - everyone seemed to like me & I didn't get too much hassle off that Steve guy - I told him he reminded me of my dad (cause he's sick too) and complimented him on his phone and he pretty much left me alone. We were actually allowed into the venue for the 3rd section - I was eager to see what the competition gets up to - I was less than impressed. The compare seemed to think it would be a good idea to warm up the crown by threatening & verbally abusing the resident spacker - the crowd were completely dead by now, the compare was totally losing it & the guy next to me is going on next - he just said "I want to go home, I want to go home now"

So there you go - all in all I went very well, the promoter said that I was excellent for an act that had done fuck all gigs and excellent for an act that had done 50+ - I was very flattered - nobody really laughed that much, I just got that kind of nervous "I don't get it but you're funnee" laughs - mind you I'm a very poor judge of audience I always think nobody laughs & then when I record it & hear laughter I figure it's because the mic was too near one of those people that just laughs at everything.

Blog shit

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 15:28:00 +0000

I've just started a new contract and it's bloody boring. I must be very sensitive to environments cause this job is no different to anywhere else and yet the day just drags along - it's unbelievable how slowly it goes. The agency who got me this job said "Ohh you'll love the office it's mad there - they have a bar and everything!" - a bar, at work, how exciting, those hedons - imagine if you will, an office - right? But with a bar at the ground floor!! Now you might be forgiven for thinking that's a bit like an office - with a bar NEAR it - but you'd be wrong, this is much much MUCH more depressing.

Please note I am about to backdate 2 blog entries to correspond with gigs I done did.

Look into the passsst young ranger *vanishes*

Blogma

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Thu, 01 Sep 2005 16:48:00 +0000

Well. Well well well. Well.

The aforementioned course in Edinburgh was fantastic. I'm well up for doing comedy slots now & am getting gigs all over the place. It's going to be a very long slog - it's *just* like starting up a band again - although I have a feeling that if you are good it's easier to make it in comedy than music - but WHY!?

Comedy does seem to be very competitive, like any art form where you have a chance of being respected - everyone wants to do it. The trouble with comedy is if you're not funny you are just a bunch of shit. However, with music it's totally subjective. I fucking hate R&B and if anyone came near me with any I'd tazer them but that doesn't mean it's somehow not music. Bad comedy is HORRIFIC - lack of confidence, unrecognised self-hatred are all crystal clear once on that stage and everyone can agree when a comic SUCKS.

Anyway - I've got my own little act now largely based on my comics - it was a great head start to have all that material. I have a feeling I could do quite well out of this mainly becuase I'm a girl - it's sad but true to say there aren't many very good female comediennes out there so big fish in a small pond etc etc but also my act is quite different. Almost everyone is self referential, which is fine - but you really run the risk of doing unoriginal material if you just draw experience from your own life. I've already heard many concepts & jokes expressed many times - have some imagination!

Bring on the gigs!

blogarithm

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Sun, 21 Aug 2005 04:06:00 +0000

just been looking through my old blog entries - how depressing I never do anything I say I'm going to do. i think the best thing is to never say I'm going to do anything ever - or develop some kind of presentation that implies I don't really mean it anyway. That's one of my problems - I always sound like I mean everything, even when I mean it as a joke which is pretty much always. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I mean things - I just double take and thing "Did I really mean that - well I sounded like I did"

I did a clowning course recently - I had been really looking forwards to it, I've never done any kind of theatre course like that and I'd always secretly wanted to. It's one of my guilty desires to do performance of some kind - but guilty why?? What's wrong with wanting that - I dunno, there just is in my mind.

Anyway the course was fantastic. It was extremely challenging and I did alot of stuff that really sucked and I just felt really bad about it after but I have to admit that I had some really good moments too. Dealing with the bad moments was all part of it anyway & I am really pleased with it overall - it was very encouraging. There were some amazingly funny people on the course, I had no choice but to be in awe of them. A few people including the teacher said I should do stand-up - it's been mentioned in the past and I find the idea of it horrifying but after doing this course I think it's somehting I'd like to persue, at least try out. Comedy is my most favouritest thing in the world - even more than music, I have to give it a go - what have I got to lose apart from the last scraps of my self esteem and dignity?

In light of all this I'm going to edinburgh to do a stand-up course. I could have done it in london but I fancied the holiday. Typically my scotland pals are in london the whole of that week, balls.

Blog Horn

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 17:37:00 +0000

Wow - less than a week until Glastonbury - I'm extremely excited. Go on - somebody knock me out, somebody knock me out until glastobury - a short coma would do it - but not one of those ones with brain damage or loss of movement. That would be the definition of 'backfiring' if I awoke from my peaceful coma to the sound of a car beeping waiting to take me to the festival and I'd forgotten how to walk - that would be SHIT. Actually forget the whole coma thing, I'll just sit it out.

Just finished a contract at CHANNEL 4 yes - CHANNEL 4. Pretty impressive huh? And do you know what? I actually enjoyed it - no complaints at all. I mean I enjoyed it as much as you can enjoy being imprisoned for 40 hours a week in a stuffy office in Victoria with terrible coffee - but really it was as good as it gets. Nice simple work, plenty of it, relaxed about hours, nice people, no meetings, cool website, TV At my desk!! yes and at EVERYONE'S desk - you just get to sit there with the telly on watching whatever - how great is that? Although there isn't very much on in the day - even on cable. It's amazing - Sky TV really hasn't changed at all in about 20 years. Apart from the odd new HBO show or whatever it's all exactly as I remember it. MASH, Frasier, Cheers, the Simpsons, friends - it just goes on and on. What a pointless waste of time SKY TV is - and to think so many people must sit glued to it all day and all night. Just the same endless crap again and again and again. I'm certainly not against TV - I still watch alot of downloaded shows - but some shows are a real artform. I think the sooner TV becomes downloadable or 'on demand' the better. Even the most avid TV junkie would think twice about actually downloading some of these shows.

I have to admit to watching a bit of Big Brother during the day - and it's the LIVE coverage. These people are awful - listening to these people converse is like hearing a circular saw go though aluminum. All they do is bitch and complain ALL the time! How spoilt do these people have to be!? I can't believe how utterly pathetic they all are. I remember really liking the first series - that girl Anna & Darren were genuinely funny and the house seemed to have a really great atmosphere. Now they just get these fucking morons in who spend the whole time complaining about every little fucking thing that comes into their mind. Is this really better television? Is this what people really prefer than a bunch of ordinary people having a laugh. Reading that back - it's all awful television really - but BB just seemed to have more of a spark back then.

Captains blog

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Thu, 05 May 2005 14:59:00 +0000

Well hi how are you?

It's been a strange away time for me. As everyone is blaitently aware I haven't updated my site for 3 months or something & this is because... I'm... lazy? Well something to that effect. Anyway I had the writers block for a while so I forced myself to do these dreary autobiographical comics detailing my every waking hour (I will probably end up releasing them as a compedium when I am washed up). Although the comics were so dull I cried tears of blood it was a rather good idea and i recomend it to anyone. I soon got back into my stride and I have done rather a few good stories. Still not been scanning anything though - might start the site back up on a monthly basis.

Anyway here I am back at work - I have been off for absolutely ages - and I tell you, the more time I have off the more I didn't want to go back. It's just that damn problem of money - isn't it a bore? Aren't I a bore?

Taking the blog for a walk

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Wed, 09 Mar 2005 00:56:00 +0000

HA! The blog for a walk.

Not much going on in Caroline world right now. I'm incredibly busy (if you don't mind) on my new job which is to build some completely gorgeous website for a company nobody's ever heard of - something to do with aviation. I'm working for this very good design company who really have this whole graphic design thing absolutely nailed. I'm very in awe - they all seem so talented and young. I bet if they did my comic it would look AMAZING - I bet they wouldn't have any problems with the paint bucket when you leave a gap in the line and it fills up the whole screen. Although if I let them do it they'd probably redesign it with fractals made up of veneer of pastel on a white you could swear was white but isn't actually white, it's a very very very very pale yellow.

The job is in Bayswater which is a huge tourist area - I will never know why - it's an absolute DIVE round there. It's has that famous shopping center which makes the Watford Harlequin center look like fucking Disneyland. Five words - Where's The W H Smiths? It's full of completely generic food court type places. I mean don't they have completely shit shopping centers in other countries!? There's 2 of those Tesco metros only a few hundred yards from each other, why didn't they just make one big one WHERE YOU COULD BUY FOOD.

I'm so close to finishing the comic - but I don't think I'm going to be able to get it printed professionally. I MUST make time to sort this out as opposed to getting stoned and watching Steve Martin films. Oh Steve, what should I do?

Well - the blog's had enough, it's all sweaty and it's just shaken leaves all over grandma.

Good night,

Caroline

me likey spam

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 11:37:00 +0000

HELLO. It's been a while - I wonder what it is that makes one feel like blogging or not? I certainly haven't been up to anything interesting. I suppose I got my forst piece of work for a while and the fact I don't have much to do right now made me turn to the blog.

I really REALLY must keep this up. I realise more and more that it's got nothing to do with how interesting your life is it's just about your state of mind & whether or not you think you are worthy of writing a blog. Of course the more wonderful things you write - the more worthy you would feel.

This goes for so many things - people always seem to be amazed by the most simple achievements! It's becuase they don't feel they could every acomplish anything like that themselves. The fact is the whole world is just a massive con - the whole deal with advertising is to make you think that you could NEVER do anything yourself or without the help of companies and rubbish products.

Speaking of simple achievents at last the mink has an online home in the form of themink.co.uk It's actually run from Blogger. not much going on there at he moment but hopefully it will pick up soon, it;s still ver new.

After about a month of unemplyment and NEARLY signing on I managed to get a short contract working for a BULK MAIL company. OK it's not quite Viagra mailouts - it's more the kind you unwittingly sign up to if you don't check 18 tickboxes in an unspecified order when you buy flights or whatever. It;s a very hard job - it's very high pressure mixed with having to be EXTREMELY careful. I'm not nearly anal enough for this kind of job - oh well I can be anal for 2 weeks at least, the urge to cut corners is overwhealming but it would just be too awful if half a million emails jot sent out that had 'testes!' as the subject line :-/

I'm well behind on the comic. i was supposed to ahve it all ready to print by now but I'm under half way though :(

Err that's enough,

Caroline

Cold things always feel wet

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Thu, 03 Feb 2005 02:27:05 +0000

Yesterday I did my big Tescos shop - a luxury I can only afford (time-wise) when off work. I always go way over the top and buy too much stuff. Last time I went it was ridiculous - it was SO heavy and one of the bags ended up breaking & a flatmate had to come and rescue me. This time I thought ahead and brought my massive camping bag with me - eco friendly aswell! I noticed when I got into the supermarket that there was someone else with an empty rucksack - I felt pleased - and then annoyed that someone had thought of the same idea. So, i got all this great stuff & went to the checkout. The camping bag I had was gigantic anyway so I had no trouble getting everything in. The checkout guy said to me "too much stuff" and I thought 'fuck off too much stuff!' I could see he was right though. I had already set aside the more dangerous items such as the cream and the juices to keep it separate from everything else, I cleverly placed the doughnuts in a lower compartment. I lifted the bag back onto the trolley and it weighed an enormous amount - how on earth was I going to get it home? "Too much shopping" - the man repeated "I'm not going far" I lied.

I pushed the trolley out into the car park & lifted this enormous bag onto the edge of the trolley so it was at the right height for my back. I tried to get it on my back but the whole bag plunged back into the trolley with an almighty crash. Mothers were already ushering their children away at this point. On an unrelated note, I noticed a massive wedge of fully wrapped jarlsberg on the top of the bin - I put it imediately into my bag, £2.70 worth, not bad at all! I eventually managed to get this monster onto my back - it was so fucking heavy, heavier than anything I've taken to Glastonbury and I've taken chairs, guitars and tents.

I stumbled over to the bus stop, this wasn't going to be so bad after all. The bus arrived immediately, luckily it wasn't too full so I could have a whole chair for my bag. That's when the leaking started. I tried to tell myself it wasn't a leak - it was just something cold, yes something cold - maybe the frozen pies. Cold things always feel wet. I didn't have far to go - I was hoping it would contain itself until I got off the bus. Then the dripping started - it was the cream, a litre of cream. It wasn't dripping very much - I lifted the bag up suddenly worrying about the doughnuts - cream started pouring out onto the floor and all over the seat "Err conductor, I'm really sorry there's been a terrible spillage" I fix eyes with this absolutely horrified city type man, he just couldn't believe anyone could spill cream on a bus, he'd seen it all now. My stop arrived in minutes - I picked the bag up and SWUNG it onto my back - oh the cream splashed out, the cream splasheth. Luckily it didn't seem to hit anyone but this bloke was looking at me in the most disgusted way - he really looked like he was going to flip out. I almost wished he had got covered in cream.

EMPLOY ME, PLEASE.

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Tue, 01 Feb 2005 22:42:08 +0000

I've been out of work now for about 3 weeks. I had a couple of days work at a design studio working on the Met Police Intranet. It was quite interesting but I felt like a bit of a fool. After my time at the BBC my skills had muddied somewhat and I did this awful jumble of CSS, the guy didn't seem to pleased. I quickly got my act together & finished the job nicely anyway.

I've been going to loads of interviews and it's been awful. Not one to blow my own trumpet - but I'm pretty god at this 'going for an interview and getting a job' lark by now. Most of these places I've just turned them down ont he grounds they were depressing hell-holes in the middle of nowhere. I'm sure I have on my CV 'will not travel outside london' and yet I got 3 calls about jobs today.. in Hammersmith! I should put 'will not travel outside 0207' - that's bit rich as Clapton is 0208 - I guess I'll commute.

It is lovely being off work - and it hasn't at all got boring yet. My savings are depleting rapidly though & my sleep pattern more so. I normally turn in at around 8am these days then peel myself out of bed at around 3.

I feel so unhealthy though - I've been smoking loads and my gut has taken on a life of it's own - a bit like that thing in Total Recall 'Start the reactorrr' yeah the fucking cake reactor. I bought one of those folding bikes - I thought it would be good for going to work as I could cycle through al the nice bits - then fold it up and get the bus through the city. Folded up or not it weighs a fucking ton - there's not really much point to it as you couldn't carry it anywhere. I'm sure it's heavier than my old bike and it looks stupid.

So - I've started up the cartoons again & started up my blog to go with it. I don't have much else to do at the moment :-/

Tsu Tsun?

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Thu, 06 Jan 2005 17:14:54 +0000

This is an old post from 6/1/05 that i didn't publish as I was still working at the BBC - I have since quit (more about what I've been up to in the next post) I thought I could get away with saying whatever I wanted about that but apparently I'm still legally bound not to make slanderous comments. As the saying goes - If you haven't got anything nice to say then don't talk about the BBC. I still think I'm ok to say I worked there. Anyway - the middle section has been removed

Hello & a happy new year to EVERYONE. I started doing an xmas blog but it just goes ON and ON and ON there's not much point in publishing it. In fact there isn't much point in this all together but I suppose it keeps my hand in. Most of my friends don't seem to do their blogs any more - shame.

Anyway - I really have made some resolutions this year:

1. Kick off Local Girl PROPERLY (in print)
2. Lose at least a stone - I'm no vein weight obsessed twat but really, enough with the putting on weight already. If anything it reduced the target audience of fat people I can mock.

So with the weight loss, strangely I'm finding it very easy to eat less & more sensibly, maybe it's just a phase but when I go to the canteen I go immediately for the fruit, I'm enjoying being hungry & not gorging myself - let's hope it lasts. Also there's a beautiful park near my house where I intend to go cycling every weekend.

YES AND I QUIT MY JOB AT THE BBC yes - THE BBC, BBC BBC BBC - I can say it as much as I like now and by jove I intend to until it gets boring. [removed] do I sound bitter? WELL I HAD A LEMON FOR LUNCH.

Anyway... on the Local Girl front - I recently put an advert in freelancers.net (who are great if you don't want to put up with EVIL angencies) for an ARTIST for my comic. I was staring to cumulate all my stuff into book form & I just got really pissed off with my drawing style & all my mistakes. So I put in this advert and got a HUGE response!! Some really good stuff was sent but I soon realised I was never going to be happy with it. I then got an email from the lovely Dan Eastwell who said I should definately carry on doing it myself. As he was the only one that contacted me that seemed to ahve ANY interest in cool comics I was quickly convinced. I'm now working with him as a designer & colorist on the Local Girl Book - fantastic. Anyway, the responses I got from artists are all here Some really great stuff - but it's just not going to work is it?

It's amazing the type of responses I got. Many were from very good but very generic designers who I think just saw it as an interesting project to get them away from cropping pictures of stroke victims for some corporate whoresite - did they really think they had the imagination to work on a comic strip? I even got an email from some outsourcing place in India who said a team of 8 illustrators would do it for £10 an hour - I was sorely tempted. i hope they work in decent conditions - I can imagine them all being whipped & belittled & having to use mouse mats without wrist supports.

OK - I am starting my blog up again. I am so fickl...

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Tue, 19 Oct 2004 20:23:54 +0000

OK - I am starting my blog up again. I am so fickle - it only takes one compliment by anyone to get me to do anything. My mate toby tripp Who's cartoons are both hilarious & original said he liked my blog. See - that's all it takes, I am blogging like a twat - look, I am doing it RIGHT NOW - look! tap tap tap tap. So - what's happened to me in the interim? I have started my own web comic local girl and people that matter seem to think it's good, people that don't think it's awful. It's so weird how it all started, are you sitting comfortably? THEN I'LL BASTARD BEGIN:

I was working at visit London at the time & they started up a section called kids love London - they wanted a comic character to be the face of the site - they decided it should be a caricature of me - now it could be that I am witty, cool & generally a fantastic role model for children - or it COULD be that [REMOVED] - I don't know, I just don't know. SO - me being a professional doodler & part-time egomaniac had already done a load of cartoons of my face & I said "HEY - let me do the drawings" and they were all like "Yeah - ok then", part one of the story is complete.

I move from being a coder to an illustrator NOW - fast forward a week - Stu & I go out to the country to fill our heads full of the fantastic B+ mushrooms got email-order from red eye frog which BTW is an excellent site for mushrooms & other 'legal' highs - full of advice & user message boards. B+ are by far the best shrooms though - they are a 'happy' high - like a mix between E & shrooms.

OKOK - back to the story: SO - I have my notepad with me & just start drawing & drawing - I'm drawing while I'm walking around and everything. I've always liked comics but I guessed my drawing has always left a lot to be desired - I figured I could never authentically capture the funnier ideas in my head - but I WAS WRONG - you don't need to be a good artist to get across a funny idea. The way you draw is just a form of self-expression - if you can't draw then that's just the way it's meant to be! So - I did all these toons & it went on all night - I was drawing in pizza express that night. My cynical side said it would all leave me the next day but IT DIDN'T - far from it, I was drawing solidly for like 3 weeks - the shrooms just unlocked this big dusty bit of my brain & the comics got better & better.

OK - so I'm not drawing nearly as much as I did but I still do it & I hope to get a print version going as soon as possible. It's funny - I'd always had ideas for jokes & funny ideas & they just went down in a note book. Meaningless drivel when I looked back at it... but with pictures - it means a lot! Now whenever I think of a funny idea for an advert, a shop name, a band name - it all has a place to live - IN MY COMIC - yehhh. What else then?? Yeah - I now work at the [REMOVED]. Basically I work on a coding team building the front end for all the [REMOVED]. Yeah - I guess working at the [REMOVED] is a cool thing - but to me it's just another coding job - damn it I want to do something creative with my life. I must say they are all really great guys though & I know I will enjoy it there. I've only been there a couple of weeks & it seems OK. I wish I could be myself right away & not have this weird incubation period where I feel like an idiot for about 3 months. I guess everyone has that.

[removed]

xmas shopping with the folks

caroline@darkmink.com (Caroline Clifford) — Mon, 20 Dec 2004 15:01:16 +0000

Imagine this - you've been up till 6am, you're asleep - it's 11am, you get a call - it's your MOTHER - you answer it - "We're on our way to the east end as arranged, see you at 1 then"

WHAT could be worse!? I was planning on say... sleeping in until 3, going to my favourite cafe (Mess Cafe - Amhurst Road - HACKNEY) then oh I dunno, watching cartoons & smoking naughty cigarettes until bedtime. NO - I have to meet my PARENTS in the XMAS RUSH at a poncey market in town.

OKOKOK - I had clearly arranged it a week before so it's all my fault really - but I was bitterly disapointed.

It was terribly busy in the market - I get very hypocritical when it's like that. Both grunting at stangers who decide the best place to stop and have a chat is in a main intersection - and then rolling my eyes at fustrated old ladies when I'm stood still in their way.

I coudln't really be bothered to go into this - but I got all my xmas shopping anyway. I got some of those hand made soaps with bits of fruit in them and shells for my grandmother (who's just turned 90) my mother and I both joked that she wouldn't realise there wa a shell in it and cut her wrinkly skin to ribbons. How we laughed.